OK so I have been “dating” on and off. A few months ago I was sort of seeing someone, or so I thought. I am totally clueless when it comes to that stuff. Like I mean totally clueless. It would be like if your mom started dating. I am a mom and I am dating so there you have it. Anyway I am one of those who loves to read into things and over think everything. So yes I am a girl. I am the one who googles the meaning of emojis, texts that emoji to Pam and says what do you think this means?? So again, I am a girl. Yes men, women do this. Anyway, things ended with this guy and it was sad for me. I cried for like 12 hours. Not 12 hours straight, but after 12 hours I didn’t really think of him again. Looking back he was a stepping stone for me. I appreciate that about him. I would never see him again, but I will always appreciate him. So since then I did the same thing again. I was clueless. That ended. But that experience was much better. It was more real, if that makes sense. I had some feelings and had to fall back to protect myself from being hurt. Not in the same place and that is OK. If there is another reason I have no idea, but I like to believe thats what it was. When it was over I had no idea how I was going to react. The “old” version of me would have been a bit crazy. Drinking, eating and God only knows what else. This version went to the track. This version sprinted fast. This version jumped high. This version had perfect form, well both versions had that :). But this version also broke down in the middle of snakes on the stadium bleachers and cried while heavy rap music screaming into her ears from her Beats. Then this version ran for another 20 minutes until her heart begged her to stop. But she stayed sober. She went home. Then she went out on a date tonight.
I could not understand the dating process until today. In my head everything had to be planned. Everything had to be laid out. I am old fashioned and I feel dating should be too I guess. But its not. Not at all. There is no wrong way to date. There is no wrong way to be. You just need to live and go from there. On my way to said date, it hit me. It hit me right in the feels. It finally clicked and I understood why people like to date even if they may have found a person they may like. Its freedom. Its fun. No expectations. You can go out with someone tonight, tomorrow night or when ever and meet new people. No pressure. Pressure is what you have in a relationship. F that. At least for now. I am not saying I want to date every night, but I am saying I finally understand it. I have never had much fun in my life. Since I can remember I have always had adult problems to deal with. It started when I was a kid and I still have them today. So maybe going out and having fun, will be ….fun? We will see. I say live your days. Live your life. Wake up slow. Take your kids to school and send a funny joke via text to your people. Your people love you and want you happy. Make plans. Say yes to some and no to others.
Tonight was not bad. Super handsome. Good job. Thought I was attractive, so he’s not blind ;). But a bit boring and didn’t make me laugh much at all. I need to laugh. I love to laugh. If you can make me laugh, you have a good chance with me. He talked about stuff, house, cars, money. Didn’t ask much about me. I am not about money and cars ect. I am about honesty, love, trust…The basics. If I am with someone and all of a sudden he is broke, I would have no problem working 2 jobs to help out. I am not looking for someone to support me. I would like someone to open doors and play with my hair. If he does that in a 1 bedroom apartment or in a 6 bedroom house, I don’t care. I fall in love with people, not things. I want to take care of someone and have someone give me cold meds if I am sick. No one has ever taken care of me in that way. That would be nice…..Anyway….I finally get it, so YAY me!
I suppose this means I will be blogging about my upcoming dates. That should be good…