I have been given this amazing gift. The gift of forgiveness. The gift of freedom. The gift of this beautiful, amazing, new beginning. I have not fully realized this until today. Today I hung up the phone. Inhaled deeply and headed to take a shower.
My day was a usual day of football practice, Netflix, chicken sausage with my Spark, the gym, cracking up with my goddaughter, communicating with a handsome gentleman, and of course going back and forth about what, when, or even if I was going to write. I have been battling a few demons and although my words are begging to come out, I seem to be hoarding them. Keeping them for myself. I am not sure what I am afraid of, but I will tell you, I am afraid. Those last chapters describe so much hurt and so much pain. I think maybe I am afraid of reliving and having to began the healing process all over again. I may be afraid of reality. I am unsure at this point. But I do have a large group of folks who are eagerly waiting to see those words that I am selfishly holding hostage. Those words will anger some. Heal some. Expose some. But for now it is MY story. My words that make up who I am. Once they are released into the wild, and they will be, it will no longer be just my story or my words. I will share them with everyone but right now I am holding onto my last bits of privacy. My last bits of secrecy. My last bits of a long, thorny journey that is has finally come to an end.
A weight was taken off of my shoulders today. And for all of us who are or who have been suffering with ending a relationship with a toxic person in fear of them changing for someone else, let me put your minds at ease. They do not change. They are the exact same person they were with you, but now worse. Tonight as I got in the shower I thanked God for my journey. My path. My road that was paved with nothing but shit storms, sadness ,and total confusion. I thanked God for giving me my freedom and the amazing life I am living. I am not living a Facebook amazing life, I am living an actual amazing life. I am surrounded with nothing but supportive friends who love me. I have the most amazing family. My kids are here and I have a full house with the addition of my goddaughter being with me until she leaves for college and I finally figured out my hair. My life is full. And I am free to enjoy this new beginning I have been given. And I will enjoy this life. I will not take it for granted. I will love hard and I will rest easy, but I will never forget my lessons and I will never have to wonder ever again.
There is hope. Be brave. Come, sit with me and lets talk…..